I Feel Like Your Forgetting

I Feel like your Forgetting

its happens all the time

we used to talk for hours

even sing a hymn or rhyme

We used to take long walks

and just sit and talk, no cares

but now you are forgetting

completely unaware

We used to go to movies

and hold each others hands

you'd tell me its not scary

then scare me right there and then

but now you are forgetting

so I sit alone and sigh

because a crowded theater

is no place to run and hide

I feel like your forgetting

slipping away with each passing day

I wish you could remember

 then maybe you'd just stay

I feel like your forgetting

drifting down a stream

I want to call you out

and maybe even scream

but you cant hear my cries

so i start to sob and sink

and even believe you might save me

but you hardly even blink 

I feel like your forgetting

you used to call each night

we would talk for hours

a real conversation we used to have

but now you hardly call

with only six minutes on the line

 I feel like your forgetting

it just might be true this time

you used to make me dinners

but now we dont do anything

you just make empty promises

to take me when you have the time

I feel like your forgetting

do you even know me anymore

we used to always be together

but now you've slipped my grasp

you seem to forget

each time you commit

to a promise never to be kept

I'm tired of waiting for calls that never come

I'm tired of promises loosely strung

I feel you are forgetting

I used to love to visit

precious was our time

but now when I visit

you say I'll be over by late Nine

I think you are forgetting

we used to spend entire days

but now I'm even lucky

to get a small fraction of your time 

I dont feel important

enough to you 

maybe its not true

but that's how i feel

I feel you are forgetting

I watch by my window

and think why'd I even come

because out on the street

your with another one

I think you are forgetting

you forget to write and call

sometimes not even a reply

its hard to think why

I think you are forgetting

maybe its all in my mind

but when i see you with her

i get jealous deep inside

and you tell me you'll never

be jealous to see me with

another guy

do you even love me

do you even care

because i think you are forgetting

completely unaware

that i truly love you

but its not enough to simply state

i show you this through actions

i hope you realize it each day

because I'm thinking of you

with each second passing by

and think maybe hes thinking of me

but then i sink and cry

because I feel you are forgetting

I'm not sure of anything anymore

this distance is killing us

its torturing me to the core

inside i feel so torn up

confused with deep thoughts

I feel you are forgetting

and when you tell me

the time will come

you'll see

you will have already forgotten

just forgotten me...

 

Thoughts of a Lone Wolf

Photo by LunaWolf445

WAY TOO LATE TO BE WRITING

Once Upon a time
its a story line
but also a ridiculous rhyme.

Once upon a time there lived a -------------
And they lived Happily ever after----------

Maybe someday someone will write-- Once Upon a time--- at exactly 6 AM there lived a ---ordinarily looking women, ---yes she was alive at one time--- this isn't just fiction and then she died and I guess it was once a happy ending but it didn't take into affect her death. Ha HA not so funny----------------

OK here's a story for you....................................

Once Upon a time there lived a tree and the tree was the smallest in the forest and one day Santa came looking for a Christmas tree to put in the North Pole square for all the elves to decorate.  Roughdough the red nosed reindeer came on this quest with Santa and they both searched for many hours. Roughdough then  saw the little tree and loved it so much that he wanted to show Santa. The little tee was so excited that he might be chosen for that years Christmas tree. so the tree waited patiently in anticipation. Then Santa stood towering over the little tree and smiled while he looked down.  Santa opened his mouth and said  Naaa hes way too small, smaller even then the elves. Roughdough agreed and peed on the tree. THE END

Definitely not a Happily Ever After story. :)

I'll forget this moment....

I'll forget this moment
the brain cant store it all
all this information
its clouded by a wall
History and fantasy
its all jumbled by my brain
so I'll forget this moment
its scares me to even say
my brain didn't find you important
so you just cant stay
I'll forget this moment
its a sad phrase to even read
the brain is a giant storage
so many files already lost
time can only tell which
information will be safe
so I'll forget this moment
my memories cant stay forever
there stuck deep down a well
my memories a drowning
its all becoming too insane 
my brain cant take the leakage
so i must unplug the drain
so I'll forget this moment
my brain is too full for thoughts
there tangled by too many knots
the wires cant be cut
the maze is too complicated
its too late to save them all
its too late to make the choice
which memory is to fall
so I'll forget this moment
the path is set ahead and
the past is forgotten
its all lost inside my head
the forest is thick
and my mind is sick
so dark and dim
too late to chance it on a whim
so I'll forget this moment
the senses cant catch it all
there focus is set with
too many memories caught by a damaged net
its impossible, they just cant be kept
so I'll forget this moment
as insignificant as it was
I wish i could just remember
the time it all became so true

the feelings deep inside me
want to know it all
but i know the brain can store it all
its not lost im just unable to recall
so I'll forget this moment
I hope those words wont become true
so maybe one day
when time is still
and my mind is at peace
I'll find you in my dreams
and take gentle caution and care
to ensure this precious memory of you is safe
kept secret in my brians safe
where you'll stay hidden from the world
just a distant memory
clouded by a thick wall
always to wonder if you ever a dream at all. 

Dont forget the Angels

Just some old quotes I found in one of my old notebooks.

In this dim world of clouding cares,
we rarely know, till wilder'd eyes 
see white wings lessening up
the skies, the angels with us 
unaware.  
(Gerald Massey)
(1828-1907)

He shall give 
his angels charge
over thee, to keep
thee in all thy ways.
Psalm 91:11

I have seen angels by the sick one's pillow;
Theirs was the soft tone and the soundless tread,
where smitten hearts were drooping like the willow,
they stood between the living and the dead. (Unknown)

Beside each man who's born on earth a guardian angel
takes his stand, to guide him through life's mysteries. 
(Menander of Athens)Greek poet and play writer.(C.343-291.B.C) 

Four angels to my bed,
four angels round my head,
one to watch and one to pray
and two to rear my soul away.
(Thomas Ady) 
17th century English writer

when tempted, evoke your 
angel, he is more eager 
to help you than you are to 
be helped! Ignore the devil, 
and not be afraid of him.
He trembles and flees at your
 guardian angels sight.
(St.John Basco 1845-1888)

There are angels, that attend unseen each one of us,
and in great books record our good and evil deeds.
he who writes down the good ones, after every action, closes his volume, and ascends with it to god, the other keeps his dreadful day, which doing, the record of action fades away, and leaves 
line of white across the page.
(Henry W. Longfellow American poet 1807-1882) 

Angels.... with beautiful wings of silk & crowns of baby rosebuds... all live together in a castle...and when the angels want to go some place they just whistle and a cloud floats to the castle door and picks them up and the angels ride through the sky, riding the cloud like a magic carpet under the moon and through the stars until they're right above us. That's how they can look down and see if were alright, and sometimes even send us messages.
(The Little Princess) 



Stone walls do not a prison make
nor iron bars a cage;
Minds inncocent and quiet take 
that for a heritage; If I have 
Freedom in my love, and in soul
am free, angels alone that soar above 
enjoy such liberty.
(Richard Lovelace)
(1618-1657)English poet. 

Self is the only prison that can ever find the soul;
love is the only angel who can bid gates unroll;
and when he comes to call thee arise and follow fast;
its way may lie though darkness, but leader to light at last.
(Henry Van Dyke 1822-1891 writer)

There is music even in the beauty 
and the silent note which cupid strikes 
far sweeter than the sound of an instrument.
(Thomas Browne)

I want to be an angel
and with the angels stand,
a crown upon my forehand 
a harp within my hand. 
(Vrania Bailey 1820-1882)

Let but the voice 
engender the string
and angels will come
while thou dost sing.
(Robert Herrick 1591-1674)  

Stay in the light 
and on the path
for the in-between 
seek to devour your soul
and only stepping forward
can keep them at bay. 
(Lily Kann) 

Definition of an angel

one of a class of spiritual beings; a celestial attendant of God. In medieval angelology, angels constituted the lowest of the nine celestial orders (seraphim, cherubim, thrones, dominations or dominions, virtues, powers, principalities or princedoms, archangels, and angels).

a conventional representation of such a being, in human form, with wings, usually in white robes.

a messenger, especially of God..

a person who performs a mission of God or acts as if sent by God: an angel of mercy.

a person having qualities generally attributed to an angel, as beauty, purity, or kindliness.

Childhood Dream 2#

POOF where am I?

     Third grade can be a tough challenge for a kid to go through. Many of the kids are finding where they fit in at the school social wise. I didn't fit in to any category. I had friends who were cool and popular and friends that were nerdy and geeky but made me feel wanted and cared about. they came to my parties and they invited me to play stupid playground games. there was a lot of stress in elementary school. It was tough when you looked a little nerdy as well. glasses and braises to boot. I went to bed that night and found myself in a strange dream. The shower was warm and I stepped out putting a cozy towel around myself. I went to grab the shiny gold doorknob but I felt a little funny about it. I just laughed and twisted the knob and stepped outside the bathroom. When the room came into focus I was in my third grade classroom. all the students were staring at me and the teacher giving a lesson stopped to stair. I looked down and I was still in my Towel. I was so embarrassed. How did I even walk into my classroom when I was just in my bathroom. I quickly turned around to find the door. The bathroom door was gone. I ran out of the classroom while kids were pointing and laughing. I ran down the hall to find the first door to the outside. I ran and ran trying to hold my towel and make it to home. I felt red all over and not from the hot shower.
I woke up and thought not to take a shower this morning.

     I had this dream the night of the day I did get embarrassed by that class.  I was sitting in the back row when my friends mother came in to give her, her forgotten lunch. I said hello Sister Elm. Then all the kids laughed and said you call Chrisy's mother Sister. They all laughed and whispered to each other and stared at me and some even pointed. I just thought to myself isn't that her name? I just didn't understand. It was only a little later that I found that only my church called other members by sister and brother then there last name. I should have understood that from calling teachers Mrs. and Mr. instead of Sister and Brother.That night I had that dream and thought of a ridiculous reason to be embarrassed.  Childhood is hard but so is life.

My Dreams #1

The very first dream i can ever remember from my child hood..... All my dreams will be in a story format.

Monster in the stall.....
       The Jazz game was so loud in my little kindergarten ears. I covered them from the loud noise. the tall men were running back and forth throwing a basketball to each other and trying to score points by tossing them into the net. My father sat right beside me shouting commands the team would never listen to.  He stood up and started yelling at some of the players for missing a shot. I never understood this game and why the fans always got so angry at the team they loved. My family was all at the game enjoying the fun of family togetherness. My mother was sitting on my left side and I tugged on her shirt to get her attention. "I need to pee." She just laughed and told my dad she would take me to the restroom. All of a sudden we were in this tunnel. We wondered for what seemed too long for my little bladder to handle. We finally found a very large bathroom with many stalls and sinks. The floor was tiled and shiny. It was the most cleanest bathroom I have ever seen. Then I saw it. Under a stall was a pair of giant harry feet with big claws scratching the tiles. We started running back down the tunnel. The echos of basketballs hitting the gym floor was pounding in my ears as we ran. When we finally reached the end a giant hole lay above us to the stadium seats. My mom hoisted me up and I crawled out. She announced she would find another way out since she could reach the hole and climb out. The dream fated as I saw her running down the tunnel. I awoke with fresh tears.

     This dream was one of my earliest and now that I think about seeing monster feet in a bathroom stall I just laugh out loud to myself. 

Depression

Depression

I cant see much
This forest is so dense and dark
The trees are towering over me
watching me with malicious eyes
I can't see the distance
But I must keep walking
The shadows are following me
screaming into thick dark fog
encircling me in it's toxic venom
The howls are slowly crawling
down my icy spine
my body its frozen
stunned by sticky webs
trying to encase me
I must keep walking
i cant see much
the darkness is slowly closing in.
the shadows are surrounding me
condemning me
to the forest
inviting me to stay
i must keep walking
shrieking banshies above
singing their ear-piercing tunes
the branches are outstretched
wrapping their claws to darken
my path
i must not wander
but I'm already lost
I must stay on the path
the distance is ahead
the gravel is thick with frost
my fingertips turn a sickly purple
my eyes almost shut
the wind is hard against me
i cant see the distance
the voices are whispering in my ear
telling me of lies i wish were true
i must keep walking
the ground is chilled and solid stone
my feet ache with every step
shouting at me to stop
my damaged heart cant take much more
but i must keep walking
the distance inst too far.  
my discomfort is my relief
my pain wont keep me here
my lungs are full of acid smoke
the shadows are suffocating me
eating me whole
my breaths are short
my mind is clogged
my legs buckle and i fall
i fall into a deep dark pit
a pit of utter despair 
the darkness is swallowing
its almost has a hold
its so far
the whispers, the screams
the trees and eyes that follow
the shadows are calling me
I feel solid and heavy
im sinking
i cant breath
drowning in filthy muck
the eyes are watching
waiting for the end
But I cant stop
the distance is near
the pit is no more
my hands feel steel
i was lost
i cant see anymore
but i can feel the rod
its on the path
the distance is close
then loud laughter
a tall building set far off course
there wanting
they call me by name
the distance is dark
but must keep walking
the laughter turns a wicked grin
taunting me and continuing the lies
they turn to shadows once again
the eyes keep watching
until utter darkness
no vision
just voices
nashing
crying
complete sorrow
despair crawls up my back
like a snake ready to strike
i must keep walking
the steel is in my hands
blind but knowing
i continue
beaten and broken
hurt and cold
lost but hopeful
faith keeps me whole

the darkness is unfolding
tiny

glorious

light

streams into the wood
a glow so small but filling
my legs are weak and wounded
my hands are stretching
my hands are pleading
my eyes are opening
my mind unwinding
the light is bright and wanting
I cant stop
the distance is here
I am home